"3" Is Not My Lucky Number

Four more days until my surgery.  The time is moving both fast and slow.  I have been overjoyed by the outpouring of love and support from my family and friends over the last few days.  It means more to me than you could ever imagine.  For all of you followers and friends, here is a little background about my cancer.  Why I now consider the number 3 not lucky for me and if I do ever buy a lottery ticket, the number 3 will not be a number chosen.

Strike one-  my tumor is 3.2 cm in size.  That is considered medium in size.  It would be best if it was 2cm or smaller.  But not me...go big or go home.  This puts me in Stage II.  My lymph node involvement is unknown at this time.  That will be discovered during my surgery.  The lymph nodes are very important to be clear of cancer.....chant "LYMPH NODES NO CANCER"  1000 times and maybe I will luck out.

Strike two-  my cancer is Grade 3(there is that number I again).  Grade 1 is happy, good cancer.  Grade 3 is aggressive, fast growing cancer.  BAD GRADE 3!!!!!  Another reason I do not want lymph node involvement....

Strike three -  this is the worst strike of all.  When you consider my hormone receptor status, I came back estrogen, progesterone, and HER2 negative.  One would think it was a good thing to be negative to hormone receptor site cancer....WRONG!!!  I am in a category classified as "triple negative"(triple=3...that bad number again).  Triple negative goes along with my young age, size, and grade of this aggressive cancer.  I have listened to the recorded oncologist pathology consultation so many times.  I was numb after he educated me about my cancer. It was worse than I thought.  Triple negative is a new thing I had not heard of before.  As my doctor said at the visit, this is the one time you would want a positive result on a cancer pathology.  Triple negative means I fight harder. 
This site can give you more information about triple negative breast cancer:   www.tnbcfoundation.org

I may have 3 strikes, but I most definitely am not out.  My surgery Friday will be a double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery included.  The details of that I will go into later.  My focus now is the surgery and praying so hard that my lymph nodes are not affected.  I should only be in the hospital for 1-2 full days.  Not that long, considering.  I will be out of work for 8 weeks(one of those being vacation time).  Before I come back to work, I will have already had 2 or 3 chemo doses under my belt.  More on the chemo after the surgery.  I can only handle one step at a time.

That is enough cancer talk for today.  As promised, here is my positive for the day.  When Tim and I came home from the Bama v. Ole Miss game Saturday, my mail included a lovely yellow slip from the government.  That is right... on top of everything else I have been called to jury duty just 5 days after my surgery. Obviously I can't go to jury duty less than one week after surgery.  At least I am now excused from jury duty....YEAH!!!! 

I wear pants that have a zipper

Less than 3 weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My life, as I know it, is going to change a lot.  I am not a big fan of change.  My mistake for getting comfortable with a family--my husband, two young boys, cat, and dog.  I finally felt like I had established a routine balancing work, family, friends, and a social life.  That routine is all about to change.  Have I said I don't like change?? 

I blame myself.  I felt this lump months ago.  I told myself it was too big to be anything serious.  Just a result of hormones.  LISTEN GIRLS---DO NOT DO THAT!  IF YOU FEEL A LUMP OF ANY SIZE GET IT CHECKED OUT IMMEDIATELY!!!!  So after I see my gynecologist for my yearly, I have paper in hand for a mammogram.  Still, this can't be anything.  I mean, I expect a biopsy because it is just so large.  I don't expect a biopsy would be needed of both breasts and a fine needle aspirate of a lymph node.  That was on a Friday.  On Tuesday morning I got the call I never wanted to hear...CANCER!!! 

Since then, I have seen a breast cancer surgeon, oncologist, and plastic surgeon.  I have been poked and scanned more that I thought legal.  That is where the zipper comment comes in.  I am 35 years old.  I have 2 small children who are 5 and 3 years old.  So when I see the oncologist for the first time, it really stood out to me how much I don't belong with a diagnosis of breast cancer.  I mean, I was in a waiting room with 100+ people and I was the youngest one there.  Even younger than most of those patients caregivers.  I felt out of place because cancer is for the older generation, right????  Well, not anymore.  My oncologist orders a CAT scan to verify if any other cancers are present.  So I wait, and wait, and wait.  When it gets to my turn, the technician is about to put me on the table but then asks the weirdest question.  "Do your pants have a zipper on them?  If so, we need to pull them down to your knees as not to affect the test."  Of course my pants have a zipper.  I am not pregnant.  I am 35 years old.  Don't all pants have zippers?? 

I am ready to wake up from this bad dream.  I have tried and tried but the reality is that I have cancer.  And, lucky me I have an aggressive form of cancer.  Well, I consider myself a proactive person.  TAKE BOTH BREASTS OFF NOW AND THEN CHEMO ME!!!!  I was happy when all three of my physicians recommended this .... well not happy, happy but glad there was an all around agreement. 

My surgery is scheduled for Friday, March 4th 2011.  Happy Birthday Mom.  Sorry my present sucks.  I have told my family, co-workers, and friends.  I finally told my boys today.  Now I am sharing with everyone else.  This "blogging" is new to me.  I will try to post as frequently as I can.  It is a cathartic for me as well as an information board to everyone else.

My happy thought for the day:  my family.  Not just my husband, kids, sister, mom, in-laws, etc. My family of friends as well.  I have felt the support of so many people in the last few weeks.  Even strangers have offered me peace of mind(thanks Erin).  I know this is going to be hard, but at least I have the love and support of great people to help me get through.