On The Eve Of My Third Chemo....

Sorry I have not written in a few days.  I guess when I have my good days I just don't want to think about cancer.  Instead, I spend my time with my boys, husband, and friends.  Trying to make up for lost time, one could say.  I have spent a good amount of time outside, between soccer/t-ball practices and games.  I was so glad to be there for Parker's first t-ball game.  It was beyond cute.  He was the first to bat, and he was so proud.  Pearce could not be outdone by Parker...no, he had to score two goals at his soccer game.  My little men had so much fun. 

Back to reality.  My favorite, lucky number three is back again.  This time for my third round of chemo.  I am not going to lie.  I have had enough yet I have only just begun.  I never got back to my normal self after this chemo.  Maybe because of the cold that is still lingering or maybe the cumulative effect of the chemo is beginning.  Either way, I do not look forward to tomorrow.  Tim says I have the temperment of a bull dog right now.  The anxiety is starting to surface. But, like any good soldier, I will march on into the doctor tomorrow and sit for the toxic drugs to infuse into my blood.  My focus is finishing in time to make it to Parker's second t-ball game at 5:30.  I will be cutting it close, on top of trying to avoid the inevitable illness that is soon to follow my infusion.  My mom has come back in town to lend assistance.  The boys have a full week between practices, games, and school activities for Easter.  At least I won't have to worry about getting the boys everywhere.  I can just stay at home and try very hard to get better. 

I have two motivations to overcome this third chemo.  First, we have the Easter Bunny to prepare for.  I think Easter is Parker's favorite holiday.  He LOVES to cook the eggs, dye the eggs, decorate the eggs, hunt the eggs, then eat the eggs.  Luckily, I have prepared early for Sunday.  Second, after getting their baskets and hunting eggs, we are getting in the car and leaving for the BEACH!!!!!   We are so ready to get out of town.  I am kidding no one.  I will still be sick when we leave.  Drugs and a vomit bags will be close in hand.  I just know I would rather be looking and listening to the ocean than be in my bedroom.  Plus, I know that I will begin feeling better once we get to Gulf Shores, Alabama.  So here is to overcoming my dislike of the number three.  Once we leave, I will not have access to a computer(nor do I want one) so everyone will have a week off from my blog.  All posts that week will be on Facebook.  Talk soon and thanks again for all the love and support for me and my family.  It really means a lot.

Will It Ever End???

Ok.  Well, I am now day 6 post chemo and ready to move on.  This chemo has been different since the first and yet the same.  I said how I was taking my nausea med(Zofran) every 6 hours this time to hold off getting sick like the last time.  I thought, at first, this was working well.  I did not feel as sick Thursday and Friday after chemo like the first time, and I even managed to make it to the boys soccer game Saturday.  I thought that would never happen, and I was so glad to get to go.  But, there is always a but, all the scheduled medicine taking did was put off me feeling like crap until Monday and Tuesday.  I am sure having a cold/sinus problem before starting chemo did not help matters.  By Monday night, I had fever over 100 and could not stop coughing and felt like crap.  Could not eat dinner, just laid in the bed and coughed and sweated.  Tim ended up calling the doctor after hours....I never do that.  So, antibiotics just in case.  Yeah, more pills to swallow.  Tuesday was the worst.  I could not eat or drink, what little I did came right back up.  Yeah, I made it to Parker's t-ball practice but vomited twice to make up for it.  So, now I am done.  Praying to be on the up swing of this second chemo and feeling more like myself.  Thank God for my sister, who has come to my help every day this week.  She even came over and got the kids dressed and took them to school today.  I just don't have the energy to take care of my kids in the morning.....God that kills me.  That is the one thing I always have done, take care of my kids in the morning.  Their morning routine is so messed up right now.  Not to mention, I miss that time with them.  They no longer come to my bed in the morning to cuddle with me....I miss that so much.  The kids have done well so far so I will suck up my missing cuddle time for their happiness.  I just try to make up for it on my good week....that is so why I am ready for it to come back to me.

I have just one goal today, well actually two.  I need to eat and keep food down.  Trying on that one.  My second goal is to be able to pick up my children from school and take them to get their hair cut this afternoon.  It is way overdo.  Plus, I want to feel well enough to enjoy spending time with them.  The weather outside is gorgeous.  Just screaming for some park time.  We will see.  Hopefully, the next time I write it will be me feeling 90% of my old self or more.  I hate this time taken away from me, my family, and friends.  I know it is to help me, heal me, cure me.  I also know it could be so much worse so I try not to complain to much.  I tell myself that this time next year will be something totally different and so much better.  Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers.  I have to send out thanks to Elisha for spending a boring day watching me cough, but keeping me company just the same.  Also, Jen, you are my angel.  Lunch, dinner, and drugs.....you comfort me more than you could know.  Amy(i.e. Rose) your mom's hat she made for me feels so good.  Parker loved the "bling" of the gold.  Thank you for that.  Hopefully, I will be reporting back better and full of good sport stories from the boys games on Saturday...again both at the same time.

The Good and The Bad

So far, chemo #2 has not wiped me out yet like the first.  I would like to think me taking my nausea medications in a scheduled fashion has something to do with it.  My good was actually getting to get out this morning and watch Parker play soccer.  Parker had to be at the ball field this morning at 8:30 to get his t-ball uniform and participate in an opening ceremony.  I missed that.  No way I could be up that early....not like my old self.  Poor Tim was left to get everything together this morning, including both boys.  Pearce had a soccer game at 10.  After I saw a  photo of Parker in his uniform, I was determined to get up and get dressed and  watch my babies play.  Worse case scenario is I throw up around a lot of people.  But, surprisingly, I felt o.k.  Not great, by any means, but much better than the last time.  When we got to the field, Pearce was DONE for the day.  He was NOT going to play...AT ALL!!!  So, he was sent home with my sister to take a nap and Parker stripped down and changed on the sidelines from t-ball uniform to soccer uniform.  That is my boy!!!  Then he went and got his mom a goal!!!  I was so proud of him.  He stepped up to help his team and had fun doing it.  I AM SO GLAD I DID NOT MISS THAT!!!!

Well, the bad.  Lets say I knew I was playing a time game with my hair.  I am scheduled to have it cut back Tuesday.  Well, I have a new stylist.  His name is Tim Roberts.  Just like my doctors warned, my hair was coming out in massive amounts this morning.  Up until today, if I just touched it my hair would break off.  Today, running my hands through my hair or a brush brought out a lot of hair.  So, it was decided.  Tim cut off my hair not to long ago.  Fortunately, I just ordered 3 scarves on Wednesday and they arrived today.  So, Parker cut my hair twice as well as Pearce cut my hair twice(with dad's assistance, of course).  Then, Parker could not take it any more and it was just me and my loving husband.  Tim told me over and over how beautiful I was for every tear that fell down my face.  I knew the hair was going.  It will come back.  I just saw myself in the mirror and saw a woman with cancer.  Cancer was staring me in the face....

I like to think in my sick way that I have not felt so bad from this chemo because I was going to have to deal with the emotional realizations of my disease.  Give and take....As I write this, I am listening to the healing laughter of my children downstairs watching cartoons with my mom, step-dad, and sister.  Always, surrounded by love.  I am very lucky...hair or no hair.  I am hoping to continue with this chemo being mild.  I am now day 3 out of 7 for this second chemo.  I can not wait until Thursday when I expect to have my full energy again.  Until then, I will take care of myself and then those I love and enjoy the time I have with them in this amazing weather.  Tomorrow is yard day...the boys can't wait to dig and plant.  I AM FINE!!!  I have cried and now am over it.  I can't handle a pity party for too long.  Now I have to figure out some styles with these new scarves.  This should be interesting.....

Die Cancer Cells, Die--Round 2

Well, I have finished my second round of chemo.  Two down and 6 more to go.  I am trying a different tactic this time...more preventative and scheduled medications than just responding to symptoms.  I have made it out today, getting my Neulasta shot to keep my counts up and then lunch with Elisha.  Crab cakes at Houston's are AWESOME!!!  Now I am home, popped my nausea pills, and am ready for some television and a nap.  Hopefully, I can continue on this speed. 

Looking forward to a great weekend.  Parker has his first T-ball game tomorrow.  Tim has to have him in uniform at the field at 8:30.  Can we say EARLY?   Apparently there is a presentation with all of the teams before the games begin.  My sister is having to take Pearce to his 10:00 soccer game tomorrow.  I am hoping to make either one of these games, but I have a feeling the chemo will get to me by then.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.  Will keep you posted as much as possible.  Thanks again to my great friends, Jennifer and Elisha, for taking me for my chemo and shots.  It helps to have the girlfriend support.  I am lucky and blessed to have such amazing friends.  My mom is on duty this weekend.  The boys are in heaven....Doritos and cheese dip yesterday.  Today she got them sticker books....my house will be decorated in an interesting fashion when I wake up tomorrow.  Luckily, tonight my friend Diane is bringing us dinner.  Mom and Tim get the night off, and we get to have Formosa.  Best Chinese in town...their spring rolls and hot and sour soup are yummy.  Talk soon.

P.S.  The hair is not going to make it much longer.  It is now coming out in the shower or if I just touch my hair.  I am hoping to make it until Tuesday when I get to have it cut back and Dolly trimmed.  Battle of the clock.  Luckily, this does not upset me as much.  I know it will come back...just like me.

The Eve Before Chemo #2

What a beautiful day.  It was made even better by shopping with my best girl, Elisha, and engaging in retail therapy.  Why retail therapy???  Because, I really don't look forward to chemo #2....I might burst out in a temper tantrum in the middle of the oncologist office.  I will try to behave, but I make no promises.  But, I am not thinking of chemo.  I am reflecting back on the last 7 days and how much I enjoyed them.  Don't get me wrong, my body is still letting me know almost 2 weeks out that I have cancer and inject toxic drugs in my blood.  The worst of my symptoms occur at night....aches and headaches are my main complaints, as well as some fatigue.  Tylenol helps but takes time and I don't like being slowed down(I might have made that statement a thousand times in 5 weeks).  I have enjoyed great weather since the weekend and spent almost all of my weekend outside.  Both boys had their sports(Pearce-soccer and Parker t-ball), then we spent the rest of Saturday watching Will(the love of Parker and Pearce's life) play baseball.  Sunday was the zoo.  Probably the slowest I have ever walked the zoo, but I walked the whole thing.  That is the most walking I have done since my surgery last month.  It was amazing to spend this time with my boys and Tim.  Family time....that is what the boys call days of no work or school.  I also kept the boys home with me Monday and Tuesday.  We survived major storms, Pump It Up, movies, sports practice, bike time, and good meals out.  And that left today for girl time. 

Of course, I have to give a major shout out to my amazing, wonderful, superhuman, compassionate, loving, and sexy husband Tim.  Ladies, it took me 35 years but I finally was given a blue box wrapped in white ribbon from my favorite store....Tiffany's.  Tim has me pegged(of course e-mails from me with pictures probably tipped him off).  So now, I am the proud owner of a beautiful Tiffany bag and some drop earrings.  What a man.  Of course, the boys had unwrapped the boxes before I could get my hands on them.  That is ok...I am keeping the boxes to remember them by. 

I am all ready for tomorrow.  My girlfriend, Jennifer, has graciously volunteered to take me to chemo tomorrow.  I am going to try and pretend it is a girl spa day....  I have a new bag and blanket.  Snacks and drinks are ready, as well as magazines my Aunt sent me to kill time.  The recovery party is over and time to prepare for some crappy days.  Oh well, my new routine begins.  I at least have some idea of what to expect.  Maybe it will not be as bad as I expect it to be.  If it is, I have my mom, sister, Tim, and friends to pull me through.  My hair is on its last leg....it is not falling out in massive amounts.  No, it is more brittle.  Like my roots are dead and the hair is just going to snap off.  I have scarfs on the way, and Dolly is getting a trim next week.  Parker loved the hat I got today...it will work well at the beach the end of this month.  That is my happy though getting me through the next two chemo's....THE BEACH!!!!!

I Am Back

Finally, I feel like myself.  Lesson learned...give myself 7 days to recover from chemo and then I get 7 days of normal to enjoy.  Wednesday was a disappointing set back day for me.  I woke up with a monster headache, low fever, aches.  What???  I felt better the day before, like about 75% of my normal self.  WHY???  So, I spent all of Wednesday in the bed, on drugs, and oh yeah fun...vomit.  So, I was very happy when Thursday I was up and met my girlfriend, Jennifer, for lunch and a movie.  "The Lincoln Lawyer" is awesome, by the way.  But I was able to eat again and was out and felt better.  Friday, I was non stop.  Shopping with Nell, my mother-in-law, cupcakes from Gigi's, manicure/pedicure, and a date night with the husband.  Food and drink were tolerable....AAHHHHH!!!! 

Lesson learned:  get toxic drugs in my body.  Feel like CRAP for 5-7 days...like I am pregnant ALL over again.  Then, my rainbow will appear and it won't seem so bad.  I had so much energy, planning so much yesterday.  That gives me comfort...to focus, plan, have something to look forward to. 

Now I am off for sports.  My baby, Pearce, has his first soccer game.  I am so excited.  He is even more excited.  It was tough to have to pull Parker off of soccer.  Parker wants T-ball and misses his old soccer coach, so t-ball(at the same time as all of Pearce's soccer games) for Parker and soccer for Pearce.  Parker will resume soccer in the fall with his beloved Coach Mike.  Now I am off to enjoy the glorious sun and my family.  Hope everyone can do the same.