I wear pants that have a zipper

Less than 3 weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My life, as I know it, is going to change a lot.  I am not a big fan of change.  My mistake for getting comfortable with a family--my husband, two young boys, cat, and dog.  I finally felt like I had established a routine balancing work, family, friends, and a social life.  That routine is all about to change.  Have I said I don't like change?? 

I blame myself.  I felt this lump months ago.  I told myself it was too big to be anything serious.  Just a result of hormones.  LISTEN GIRLS---DO NOT DO THAT!  IF YOU FEEL A LUMP OF ANY SIZE GET IT CHECKED OUT IMMEDIATELY!!!!  So after I see my gynecologist for my yearly, I have paper in hand for a mammogram.  Still, this can't be anything.  I mean, I expect a biopsy because it is just so large.  I don't expect a biopsy would be needed of both breasts and a fine needle aspirate of a lymph node.  That was on a Friday.  On Tuesday morning I got the call I never wanted to hear...CANCER!!! 

Since then, I have seen a breast cancer surgeon, oncologist, and plastic surgeon.  I have been poked and scanned more that I thought legal.  That is where the zipper comment comes in.  I am 35 years old.  I have 2 small children who are 5 and 3 years old.  So when I see the oncologist for the first time, it really stood out to me how much I don't belong with a diagnosis of breast cancer.  I mean, I was in a waiting room with 100+ people and I was the youngest one there.  Even younger than most of those patients caregivers.  I felt out of place because cancer is for the older generation, right????  Well, not anymore.  My oncologist orders a CAT scan to verify if any other cancers are present.  So I wait, and wait, and wait.  When it gets to my turn, the technician is about to put me on the table but then asks the weirdest question.  "Do your pants have a zipper on them?  If so, we need to pull them down to your knees as not to affect the test."  Of course my pants have a zipper.  I am not pregnant.  I am 35 years old.  Don't all pants have zippers?? 

I am ready to wake up from this bad dream.  I have tried and tried but the reality is that I have cancer.  And, lucky me I have an aggressive form of cancer.  Well, I consider myself a proactive person.  TAKE BOTH BREASTS OFF NOW AND THEN CHEMO ME!!!!  I was happy when all three of my physicians recommended this .... well not happy, happy but glad there was an all around agreement. 

My surgery is scheduled for Friday, March 4th 2011.  Happy Birthday Mom.  Sorry my present sucks.  I have told my family, co-workers, and friends.  I finally told my boys today.  Now I am sharing with everyone else.  This "blogging" is new to me.  I will try to post as frequently as I can.  It is a cathartic for me as well as an information board to everyone else.

My happy thought for the day:  my family.  Not just my husband, kids, sister, mom, in-laws, etc. My family of friends as well.  I have felt the support of so many people in the last few weeks.  Even strangers have offered me peace of mind(thanks Erin).  I know this is going to be hard, but at least I have the love and support of great people to help me get through.