Die, Cancer Cells, Die....Chemo Round 1

It is hard to believe that 3 weeks ago today I had my mastectomy.  I am still sore and tight but much better than I anticipated.  My doctor cleared me to drive, that makes me and my boys happy.  I can not drive for very long before I get uncomfortable, but it feels freeing to be in control of my transportation. 

This has been a very rough week.  My best friend's father died unexpectedly.  He was such an amazing man and his sudden death is very sobering.  I have witnessed too much death this year...all unnecessary or unexplainable.  It hurt me that I could not comfort those who needed it because I have to take care of myself first.  I know she understands that....the last thing she could tolerate would be me in a hospital bed.  But as I have said before, I like to help and care for those I love.  Being physically limited in this capacity angers me.  The look of fear in Parker's eyes when I say I am going to the doctor angers me.  I guess the anger stage of cancer is rearing its ugly head.  I will not let it affect my fighting attitude.  I am a firm believer that a positive outlook goes a long way.

On that note, I started the first steps of killing any cancer cells still left in my body.  I no longer have breast cancer...that was surgically removed three weeks ago with my breast tissue and lymph nodes.  I am fighting now against the triple negative aggressive cancer cells that might have already broken off from that original tumor and are living in my cells now.  For that, modern science has chemo.  Thursday every 2 weeks is my chemo schedule.  I was totally unprepared yesterday for the process....I will not be that way next time.  I have a baseline of my blood counts to compare how much the chemo combo I am on will affect me.  I just got back from getting my Neulasta shot today.  That is given to help keep my white count up so I can continue my chemo every 2 weeks instead of every 3 weeks.  The room where I received my chemo was bright with views looking over a pond and trees in full bloom for spring.  Of course, I am surrounded by other patients also getting their treatment but luckily it was not too crowded.  They keep the chemo room so cold...I was glad to have gotten a blanket sent to me by my friend Becca especially for this reason.  It comforts me to know I am loved and have the warmth of those thoughts surround me.  I was there for only 2 hours, less that I thought.  I got a steroid and two drugs to prevent nausea.  Then I was given my Cytoxin and Adriamycin over 45 minutes and then I was done.  Immediately, my nose and eyes burned but not for long.  I was happy to be done with this first round.

So, what does any girl do who has accomplished something???  Well, if it is me, I go shopping.  That is right.  I did not know how long I had until I started to feel bad and was limited to home.  I wanted to take advantage of the time.  Tim took me to a jewelry store and I am now the proud owner of some beautiful earrings.  Funny, within 1 hour of the chemo my hot flashes started.  I know the clerks thought me weird as I am fanning myself nonstop when it is 50 outside.  Tim and I also did a little shopping for him, since he has to go through this almost as much as me....just minus the drugs.  Here is where I pushed too hard.  I needed to eat, like immediately.  While eating sushi and soup, boy did the nausea and dizziness set in.  Medications, I could not swallow them fast enough.  I never threw up, but it scared me to feel that bad in just a few hours.  I was hoping to have until Saturday before I really felt anything.  Just goes to show you can never plan anything without expecting those plans to change.  Today, I just feel very tired.  From the chemo, nausea drugs, or both.....who knows.  I am told the Neulasta shot will make my joints and hips ache and hurt.  More fun....luckily planning a semi-restful weekend unless I just get totally wiped out.

One session down, seven more to go.  I can do this and finish until the end when I hear the words I am cancer free.  Having pretty earrings to remind me of the positives does not hurt either.  I am also so proud of Parker, who is learning to read with help from my mom.  Every book that he reads me a word makes my heart soar.  I have so much to be thankful for and I pull my strength from that.  I hope everyone has a great weekend and this weather warms back up soon.